I found two pages from a journal long lost that I wrote in 2010 when I was a child. 3 days before my birthday. They bring old but familiar feelings.
Day 1 4/4/10
I’ve realized today, on this Easter day, with the pollen bruising the allergies of others and the day with its lump in his throat. The sky weeps, or it wants to but it can’t because of the hatred and sadness in the earth. I know now that I can never feel at home nor have one for that matter. A reunion of a birth coming our way. Today the rebirth of our Savior. This horrible glorious day. I love holidays. A Time to spend with family that love you. A time of happy Sadness. There is no home for me. I tried to live but life gets the best of me. Nowhere is home for me except for me. Nay, not even me is home enough to live. I portrayed home a place where I can be myself but I see now that that was a mistake. Humans must sacrifice themselves in order to live. You must first die to live. Is this what they tell me? Must I live this fate as well? Should I die? No, I have died. Not today but long ago. I was once free but now I am lost. Or rather I am not lost because I know where I stand. I stand here, waiting for the light that seems to never come. Here in the darkness I stay, and hope that light never comes. Caged bird that I am will forever be manipulated no matter how hard I try to break from its grasp. A lonely bird I am. A lonely bird I shall always be.